Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
