Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
