You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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