You're my little dorito
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I don't think brook has ever known best
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
