Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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