You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
