I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
