I bet he comes in French.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
