take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
