careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
