A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
