Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
