So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
