cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
