I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
