Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
