WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
