People in love make me want to vomit
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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