she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
