Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
