worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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