my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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