Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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