I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
