my vag is so smooth its legendary
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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