dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
