Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I cannot find my penis.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
