I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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