im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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