it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
