Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize