Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Randomize
