This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
