Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
