I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
