he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
