So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
