My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
