but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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