have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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