Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
