no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
