I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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