she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
