Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
