During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
jump out the window naked night went bad
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