we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
