I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
