my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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