Little spoons don't ask big questions
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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