imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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