her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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